A Wife's Unbelievable Grace

In my experience, most men, including myself, begin their journey of recovery from sexual addiction and pornography addiction at the behest of their wife. Their wife knew a little bit about their struggle all along, or, in my case, the truth about what was hidden came out all at once. Either way, our wives became weary of being burned by the pain of our hiding, lying, and deception and they implored us to get help. Each story is filled with betrayal, infidelity, and heartbreak which would completely justify divorce, yet so many wives choose to walk beside their husband as he takes the path of recovery.

Wives, including my own, chose to give their husbands the completely undeserved gift of absolutely unbelievable grace. My experiences in recovery are almost exclusively with husbands and wives who proclaim to be followers of Jesus Christ. When wives give their husbands this inexplicable grace, I see disciples who not just follow Jesus, but live out His love even in the midst of their horrendous pain. Hearing how husbands have hurt their wives, I am still amazed at the grace being given. I catch myself asking, “how does she do this?” because my human flesh struggles to fully comprehend the extent of God’s grace.

Without the power of Jesus’ love, it appears impossible and totally unbelievable, yet, I witness it over and over again. Marriages and families healed and restored by the power of Christ’s love through a hurting, yet gracious wife. A touch of heaven here on Earth and a living, breathing example of God’s gift of undeserved grace through Jesus Christ given by a wife to her husband. It continues to leave me in awe and wonder, especially because most wives give this grace before their husband has shown any kind of real change or even effort toward his recovery. They are not standing back saying “show me something before I decide.” Instead, they are exercising faith that when their husband gets into a recovery program and he says with his words he wants help, that his actions will follow and he will experience real change. How amazing.

At this point, men are faced with a similar choice they had when they decided to become followers of Christ. They must decide to accept the grace being freely given to them, turn their life away from the road in the darkness and walk the road in the light to experience healing. A wife is not obligated to do this and this is where some men falter because walking in the light means fully exposing the extent of their lies and deceptive behavior. It means being willing to face and take uncompromising ownership of their actions. It means looking in the mirror at the ugliness they have allowed into their lives and being willing to scour it from their soul. They decide the light is too bright and instead of accepting the gift their wife is giving them, they let their fear keep them in bondage and they waste their wife’s selfless sacrifice and keep trying to do things their own way. Refusing grace means holding onto self-destructive pride.

If you are a man reading this who is struggling with sexual addiction or pornography addiction, and your wife is willing to walk the road of recovery with you, I implore you, accept the grace that is being given to you. Do not throw away your wife’s gift to you. Get help, use the tools being offered to you, and choose to stay on the road in the light. If you are a man reading this who is living with his struggle in secret because you are afraid of how your wife will react, I challenge you to give her the opportunity to love you by showing you unbelievable grace. I know that sounds scary and the outcome is not guaranteed, but my experience working with men in recovery has shown me that our wives’ capacity for grace is far beyond what we can imagine, it is unbelievable.

The first step can feel almost insurmountable, but you can start your healing journey today, by reaching out and scheduling a free consultation with me. I would love to connect with you, hear your story, and share how my recovery program can support you as you choose to walk in the light. You do not have to try to do it alone. Reach out today.

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