Am I Addicted?

With the proliferation of the internet, social media, and every person having a computer in the form of a smartphone in their pocket, encountering sexually alluring content is an inevitability. Some men reject this temptation and never take a second look. Others start looking, realize they do not want to go any further and successfully set up safeguards to help them never look again with maybe a lapse in judgment here or there. Many, many others are drawn in and what they discover at first by happenstance becomes something they actively seek out, maybe “a little” at first; but, more and more they search, until finally they have completely lost control and even if they wanted to stop, they cannot.

Since sexual addiction, especially pornography addiction, is usually practiced in isolation and kept a secret, its destructive effect on the user’s life is not as obvious as an alcoholic getting fired for smelling of booze day after day at work, or a drug addict being revived from an overdose. So, how do you know when you are addicted? Addiction is defined as “a chronic, relapsing disorder characterized by the compulsive seeking of a substance or behavior despite harmful consequences.” What does this definition actually mean, especially when the harmful consequences are not necessarily glaring you right in the face?

First, a chronic behavior is one over which you have no control to stop. If you have tried to stop looking at pornography before and you keep going back to it, you might be addicted. Second, the harmful consequences are there, you may just not recognize them; or, even more likely, they are there and you are trying to explain them away or blame them on someone else. In my own recovery journey and working with other men who struggle, I have seen these patterns repeatedly. Though individual experiences with addiction may be unique, the effects are strikingly similar. If you find yourself avoiding responsibilities or declining to participate in activities so you can instead spend time viewing pornography, you might be addicted. If you are going to great lengths to hide your pornography use such as clearing search histories, or downloading and then deleting apps, or deleting messages from your inbox, you might be addicted. Something everyone in your life notices, especially your wife, is that you are hypercritical, easily annoyed, and constantly irritable for seemingly no reason. This “edginess” is a hallmark of an addict waiting to use again. If you experience issues with intimacy, sexual performance, or have lost interest in having sex with your spouse, you might be addicted. Conversely, if you are hypersexual, demanding sex from your wife, or feel like you must have an orgasm otherwise you will “explode,” you might be addicted.

These are just a few common examples of pornography addiction’s negative effects on users’ lives. If any of this sounds familiar to you, you are not alone. The “antidote” is to come out of the shadows of secrecy because there is help available and you can heal from these effects. By being honest about your struggle, connecting with other men who are fighting the same battle, and uncovering what has kept you stuck in the darkness with a recovery coach, you can experience freedom from addiction. If you want to start on this journey, I invite you to schedule a free consultation and find out if my recovery program is a good fit for you.