Identity Crisis

“Who am I?” On the surface, this is a simple, three word question. Underneath, it is entangled with complexity and has deep, profound meaning. Philosophers, theologians, and even mathematicians have spent thousands of years theorizing about what makes a person who they are. Back in middle school we spent hours in front of the mirror, perfecting our hair, outfit, and “look” in an effort to express on the outside who we are on the inside. Even today, we choose to drive a particular model of car, or buy a certain brand of clothing in an effort to outwardly communicate who we are. Who we are changes as we grow up, mature, have life experiences, and make choices. This is a perfectly normal and healthy aspect of life. For some people, they are never able to get in touch with who they are and when they stop and consider “who am I?” They are faced with a very painful identity crisis.

Having difficult life experiences can become a barrier to getting in touch with and understanding who we are as a person. Addiction, specifically sexual addiction or pornography addiction, is a life experience that can be a towering brick wall preventing someone from being able to see who they are. By its nature, addiction is a means of escaping reality by pushing it away with a negative, destructive coping behavior. Many people struggling with sexual addiction found their escape when they were still very young, in their formative years before adulthood. As a result, instead of growing up and learning about who they are, their time was spent actively running from and hiding from it. In adulthood, when presented with the question “who am I?” a person struggling with addiction might be able to list things they like to buy, places they like to go to, or hobbies they like to do, but they are often unable to describe any attributes about themself because they simply do not know. They had never stopped and thought about it before because their addiction is keeping them distracted and giving them a fast track to run away and avoid finding out. This was certainly the case for me when I was struggling with pornography addiction.

In my recovery journey, once I was sober and had time to allow my mind and heart to heal, the wall that was once preventing me from seeing who I am was gone and what I saw was nothing. Yes, I was facing and owning up to the consequences of who I had allowed myself to become while in my addiction, but that was not who I really am. I was having an identity crisis, with no idea of who I am because I had spent over two decades running away from any kind of introspection. So, that is where I started. With help from my recovery counselor and later a “traditional” counselor, I dove in and started to learn and understand who I am created to be. It was only by getting sober from addiction that I was able to see myself clearly. I could finally start to answer the question “who am I?”

For me to be able to break the chains of addiction and start understanding who I am as a person, I had to submit to a recovery process built on being rigorously honest. By being rigorously honest during my one-on-one sessions and during my group sessions with other men who struggle with sexual addiction, I was able to finally have freedom and experience life-changing transformation. If you are having an identity crisis and are ensnared in addiction, you are not alone! You do not have to keep fighting in secret, on your own. I encourage you to reach out today, schedule a free consultation, and find out if my recovery process of rigorous honesty with me as your recovery coach and other men who struggle with addiction is right for you.