Pornography Addiction: Why am I stuck?

“I’ve turned into a monster I don’t recognize. My wife hates me, my kids are strangers to me, my relationships are in shambles, I’m completely alone, and I’ve lost everything. But why can’t I stop?” These are just a few of the deep, yearning questions that race through your thoughts after another battle lost with porn addiction. You know it’s wrong, you know it’s destroying your life, you know it’s obliterating you from the inside out, but you can’t stop. You ask yourself another question, “Why am I stuck?”

You’re stuck because you are hiding, alone; or, you are only partially being honest about your struggle. Many guys stop well short of complete, rigorous honesty and think it’s enough. “I have a buddy at church who is my accountability partner. I check in with him once in a while, he understands." If that was really working, you would be free from addiction, right?

I remember my recovery counselor saying early on in my journey, “doing your best is what got you here.” He was right, I had tried “praying away” my addiction, I had tried quitting cold turkey, I had tried to remove certain applications from my phone, but nothing worked. What I needed was to do something radically different to finally get “unstuck.” The solution in and of itself was pretty simple. In addition to one-on-one counseling, I joined a group with other guys, who also struggle with porn addiction, and shared my burden with them by being rigorously honest about my battle with lust. On the surface, to most people, this sounds easy. Meet once per week, make a few calls, text when a call isn't possible, and everything will work out! For an addict, this simple format is like a bath of acid. “Share my deepest darkest secret and thoughts?” “Tell other guys when I am struggling?” “Communicate the feelings I have that drive my addiction?” “Wait, I have feelings? What are feelings?”

We trained ourselves to think “no one can ever know about this,” or ‘if anyone ever knew the full extent of what I struggle with, they would think I am a pervert.” We practiced lying, hiding, and deceiving everyone around us including ourselves. The group is where my counselor taught each of us how to be rigorously honest, we practiced it with each other, we tore down the lies that kept us hiding in the darkness of isolation and we experienced true intimacy, which we are able to then turn around and apply to our marriages. We stopped “doing our best” on our own and instead learned to share our burdens as a group.

The truth is, you are not alone in your struggle against pornography addiction and there is hope for getting “unstuck.” Reach out today, begin being rigorously honest with your struggle with addiction, and start on the path that will finally lead to lasting freedom!